71+0 = 71 points
Chelsea Blip-O-Meter reading: 5.0
Normally we don’t need to remove Blip-O-Meter from its revered position in the Chelsea Museum’s main Display Cabinet until the season is at least a quarter completed. This year, no sooner had we given it a good polish ahead of the season-starter away at Stoke City, when there were frantic calls for it to be put on a chopper and sped directly to Andre Villas-Boas at the Britannia Stadium.
[This raises the metaphysical problem: When is a blip not a blip?]
I’m not sure our new coach is entirely familiar with the apparatus’ complex internal machinery. Workings so intricate that they can render a free-scoring Spanish centre-forward as impotent as a drunk on a Friday night – without leaving any visible marks!
For although Torres was widely hailed as our best player on Saturday, he still contrived to look like a slow-motion replay of himself two years ago.
And he didn’t score – but then nobody did.
Notwithstanding the three clear penalties we were denied as Mr Halsey endeavoured to impersonate Mr Tomas Henning Ovrebo, or the rigorous tackling that Mr Halsey permitted the fine upstanding Stoke players to indulge themselves with, you know that Abramovic is going to need to get his cheque book out when our best effort came from John Obi Mikel.
So it appears the Modric pantomime has reached its final act just in the nick of time. [Yes, he really should be “right behind you” – or Torres at least – any moment]. Backed up by one Juan Mata, whom I cannot recall ever seeing play – but that’s not great surprise as I couldn’t be bothered to watch Barcelona v Manchester United Private Equity Fund Ltd, let alone Valencia.
He’s supposed to be a pacy winger.
Does he have a twin brother?
Looking on the bright side – as one does here in the Land of Sunshine and Opportunity – other referees will undoubtedly understand The Laws of Association Football, and at least Villas-Boas didn’t sub Bosingwa for Ferreira at 65 minutes when he wanted to spice up the team. In the second half we were basically playing a Mourinho-esq 3-4-3, with three centre-forwards plus Cole and Bosingwa as wing-backs.
On most other days that will result in goals.
While on the subject of Villas-Boas: There’s some controversy as to the correct pronunciation of his surname.
André appears to have tried to make it simpler for us (and the linguistically-challenged Brit Meeja) by anglicising it to the latter.
And that is good enough for me
|Norwich (Blackpool) (h)||4-0||11||1||10|
|Man Utd (a)||3||1-2||16||5||11|
|Swansea (West Ham) (h)||3-0||19||5||14|
|QPR (Birmingham) (a)||3||0-1||24||7||17|