Come In Monsieur Remy

COME IN MONSIEUR REMY

Now that Fernando Torres has very wisely chosen to vacate Blighty to go and screw ten yard efforts wide of the goal on behalf of naïve old AC Milan, Chelsea have promptly filled his considerable(?) void by signing French international, Loic Remy.

I must confess that I haven’t paid much heed to Monsieur Remy, not least because he had never been on Chelsea’s radar, if press idle chat is anything to go by. Instead, Loic had been courted for much of the summer by the likes of Liverpoo and the two self-important clubs of norf London. I guess that when you have these clubs expressing an interest, then you must be doing something right.

Of course the Kopites got cold feet reportedly after a medical, which presumably meant that his fangs were not of a Suarez standard. Certainly Harry Redknapp was nonplussed about this development, stating that Remy was as fit as anyone he had ever seen. (Arfur Daley should have hired Arry to flog his dodgy motors.)

Anyhow, I am impressed by Remy’s goals ratio. He also commendably offered to play for Queer Park Rangers on Saturday even after Chelsea had come a-calling. I just hope that he isn’t a panic purchase, in the wake of Fernando’s two-year, but never to return, trip to Milano. Having said that, the cost of Remy is comparatively small, about one third of Chelsea flavour of the month, Diego Costa, and if Loic scores a third of the goals that DC accumulates, his acquisition could well prove to be money well spent. I have a hunch (though not as bad as Quasimodo’s) that LR will end up being a lethal poacher. Hopefully he will get some game time in the Capital One Cup and against mediocre NK Maribor, amongst others. However, I do hope that he watches Match Of The Day and buys a Sunday newspaper, because he would best be under no illusion that he will be starting too many matches in the immediate future, whilst Senor Costa is fit and healthy! Fortunately, the football season is a marathon event, and when chances do come
his way, Remy will have to emulate the likes of Tore Andre Flo (a slightly forgotten hero) and score from off the bench and from limited starts, without initially being afforded the luxury of a prolonged stint in the first team. He can, and will do it.

Allow me to finish with the following observation. Apparently the media were besides themselves with excitement when they learned that Arsenic were plotting to scupper Remy’s move to Chelsea by expressing their own undying love for the young man. However, we are informed by the BBC football webpage that Arsenal “quickly lost interest.” This is the ultimate media spin. If one were to read between the lines, the Arsenic bullshit propaganda could best be translated as follows: We expressed an interest in Remy but he told us where to go.

Imagine that you tell your mates that you’re going over to the other side of the dancefloor to chat up a ‘bird’. She gives you the elbow, but you come back to your mates and state “I quickly lost interest!” Pull the other one, Arse-nil.

It may be for financial reasons, I don’t know, but Loic Remy rejected Arse-nil in favour of Chelsea. I love him already.

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