Dave’s Ramblings – Fulham
This game marked the most important date in Foolham’s diary. Their cup final. A day awaited with trembling hands, sweaty palms, and a level of anxiety usually reserved for medical test results. They’d happily trade their 2021 Championship title for a win against the current champions of the world.
For us? It’s more like that annoying fly that won’t leave you alone while you’re sunbathing. Mildly irritating, briefly distracting, and ultimately destined to be swatted.
Of course, it wasn’t always this way. Before we casually wandered into town in 1905 and ruined the vibe, they practically ruled this corner of London.
In fact, here’s a little known historical bombshell: in 1892 they won the prestigious West London Trophy. A competition featuring true giants of the game; QPHahaha, Stanley, Paddington (the place, not the bear… although frankly he’d have fancied his chances), and the absolutely terrifying powerhouse that was Grove House.
When you reflect on that glittering achievement, all of our trophies fade into embarrassing irrelevance. Honestly, why do we even bother mentioning them?
For those of you lucky enough never to have suffered a visit to their home ground, the extravagantly misleading Craven Cottage, rest easy. You have missed absolutely nothing, and possibly gained a few extra years of life.
Yes, it contains a cottage. A real one. Not metaphorical. Not symbolic. It’s just… there. Squatting in the corner like a retired lighthouse keeper who refuses to move because he was here first.
The riverside stand overlooks the Thames and includes a swimming pool, which is ideal for those moments when the football becomes unbearable and you’d rather do a gentle backstroke while contemplating your life choices.
The away end used to have a ‘neutral’ section, which was populated entirely by people who were deeply confused. They have now changed that to home fans. These include swimmers, dog walkers, amateur historians, one man looking for a post box, and at least two people who thought they were attending a garden fete. All were issued a ticket, pointed vaguely toward the pitch, and told to clap politely.
Occasionally, very rarely in fact, a football match breaks out, which is considered very rude by everyone else using the facilities. Today, the referee had concerns about the match being 11 v 11 so he sent off Cucu to give them a chance. They took that opportunity. Just!
I mention the sending off right at the outset because, let’s be honest, that was the footballing equivalent of unplugging the PlayStation in the first minute. Game over. It could have been much worse though, another few centimetres and they would have been treated to a penalty as well. A goal behind at that stage could have seen us lose by a cricket score. The fact that we were still in the match until the final whistle shows our fighting spirit. Personally, I think we did more than enough to have nicked a point.
Liam Rosenior watched on from the stands and it’s fair to say he probably didn’t see much to overly encourage him. What he did see was poor defending repeatedly undoing the occasional flash of defiance, followed by our eighth red card of the season, a result that proudly sends us top of the disciplinary league. Our shocking disciplinary record is something he will definitely need to look at. He probably wouldn’t have enjoyed the soundtrack of the away end spending most of the second half directing less than complimentary chants at Behdad Eghbali, who was sat next to him. In case there was any doubt, Liam would have learnt very quickly what he’s getting himself into.
We are now down in eighth place after one win from our last nine league games. We are also level on points with Fulham , a club we like to treat as a polite inconvenience, which confirms this season has officially slipped into farce.
We’ve kind of been here before, back when Thomas Tuchel took over. A new system, lots of confusion, and then somehow a Champions League trophy appeared like it had been ordered by mistake. Is that the likely outcome this season? Probably not. But this is Chelsea, where logic goes to die and just about anything, no matter how ridiculous, remains technically possible.
My takeaways…
If Liam had any lingering doubts about the size of the job in front of him, they have now been brutally extinguished. In theory, our trip to Charlton should be a comfortable win, which of course means it has all the hallmarks of a slow motion disaster. The banana skin is now flashing in neon lights.
It’s time to say farewell, and thanks, to Calum McFarlane for his efforts in the last two matches. They both could have ended in heavy defeats, so I’m trying to take that as a positive. He heads back to the U21s who lost 6-2 in his absence to Benfica. Frying pans and fires spring to mind.
In the forlorn hope of getting a smile, history is being made today. At midnight tonight, Liam will have equaled Mikel Arteta’s Premier League and Champions League haul from nearly seven years at Arsenil. Statue incoming.
Dave M
