Dave’s Ramblings – Leeds United

Still, Chelsea are playing, so naturally I’ll treat this utterly pointless competition with complete contempt… right up until the precise moment we look like we might win it. 😂🏆💙

The one very real benefit of the competition is that it gives us the chance to make proper use of the squad. With no European football this season, opportunities to give everyone meaningful minutes are considerably harder to come by.

That makes going a long way in this cup pretty important. It keeps the fringe players involved, gives the youngsters opportunities, helps those returning from injury get minutes and, crucially, keeps competition for places alive.

So while I may continue to treat the Carabao/Rumbelows/Littlewoods/Milk/Whatever-We’re-Calling-It-This-Week Cup with the contempt it richly deserves, I also want us to stay in it for as long as possible.

Basically, I don’t care about it at all… yet it is absolutely essential that we win tonight. That’s even before you take into account the dodgy bunch we have been drawn to play.

Alonso decided to go with what was, in truth, a team selection carrying slightly more risk than investing your pension in a three-legged racehorse.

I’ve always believed you’re better off starting strong, getting the job done and then making changes when you can afford to. But what do I know? I’m merely someone who has spent half a century watching Chelsea make simple things unnecessarily complicated.

What I do know is that we were absolutely bloody dreadful for the first 45 minutes.

Leeds deservedly took the lead and, frankly, being only 1–0 down at half-time felt like we’d somehow successfully negotiated a hostage release.

Their goal came from a set piece, of course. Seconds earlier Penders had produced a wonder save. He then decided he’d completed his work for the evening, went for a little wander and saw a simple header loop into the net.

We reached half-time just one behind. No problem. Xabi would give them a rollocking, bring on the cavalry, restore some semblance of a class team and sweep Leeds aside in the second half.

Easy. What could possibly go wrong? 😂💙

We made changes at half-time. Not one. Not two. Not three. FOUR. This was Xabi Alonso effectively turning the team off and back on again. Surely that would sort it?

Leeds’ response was to go 2–0 up. Excellent.

That’s it then. Game over. Turn off the floodlights, lock the gates, put the leftover pies in the fridge and if you’re the last one out of Stamford Bridge, please shut the bloody door.

Somewhere, the fat lady was clearing her throat. The Leeds fans were planning the journey home and I was mentally composing several paragraphs containing words that Amazon would refuse to print.

Mayhem then arrived at Stamford Bridge.

Not ordinary mayhem, either. This was Proper Chelsea mayhem. The sort of mayhem that kicks the front door off its hinges, drinks your beer, frightens the dog and announces:

‘RIGHT THEN… WHO FANCIES MAKING THIS COMPLETELY F@CKING RIDICULOUS?’

Chelsea, naturally, said: ‘Hold my beer.’ 😂💙

You know what happened next. Cole Palmer happened. Two goals in two minutes and suddenly it was 2–2.

From ‘turn the lights off and lock the door’ to ‘DON’T ANYBODY BLOODY MOVE’ in approximately 120 seconds.

Neto made it 3–2 before Super Dan popped up to make it 4–2.

Lovely. Job done. Game put to bed. Tucked in. Story read. Night-light switched off. See you in the morning.

Except this is Chelsea and Chelsea don’t put games to bed. We give them three cans of Red Bull and let them play Xbox until 3am.

Leeds pulled one back. 4–3. Oh good.

Welcome to Squeaky Bum Time™, proudly brought to you by Chelsea Football Club and available without prescription to supporters of all ages.

Thankfully, with ten minutes left, Barco made it 5–3 and finally restored something vaguely resembling order.

But wait… deep into added time there was a sixth. Super Dan somehow managed to head in a shot from Barco that can best be described as wayward. 😂

In fact, calling it a shot is being extremely generous. Barco appeared to be aiming for somewhere around the corner flag, possibly Earls Court. Thankfully, Super Dan intercepted it before it required a postcode.

Suddenly the away end began emptying. You could almost hear the clogs clicking along the Fulham Road as the Leeds faithful headed for the exit. Ready to climb aboard their coach and horses for the long journey back up north. No doubt stopping at Watford Gap to change the horses. 

From 0–2 down to 6–3 up.

Completely ridiculous. Completely unnecessary. Completely Chelsea. 💙😂

My takeaways…

I’m not sure I have any words left that can do justice to what we’ve just witnessed. And considering I’ve spent years writing thousands of words about Chelsea, that may be the biggest shock of the evening.

At 2–0 down, I don’t think there were many inside Stamford Bridge — or watching from behind the sofa at home — who’d have put money on us coming back to win. At that point, getting out with our dignity intact seemed a reasonable ambition.

Then Chelsea apparently remembered we were playing Leeds.

What followed was absolute, glorious mayhem. Goals flying in, Stamford Bridge bouncing and a 2–0 deficit somehow turning into a 6–3 victory. Thrilling, ridiculous and probably responsible for several thousand Apple Watches issuing heart-rate warnings.

Naturally, my sympathies go out to all those Leeds supporters who made the long journey south, watched their side go two goals up and then had to sit through that.

Actually, no they don’t. That made it even sweeter. 😂

I’m loving this new Chelsea. There’s excitement, belief and goals everywhere. Although I’d love them just a tiny bit more if we could occasionally remember that we’re not actually required to let the opposition score three.

Football being football, we now have to wait a week to discover who we face in the next round.

But after that second-half performance, I suspect there’ll be quite a few teams watching the draw thinking:

‘Anyone but Chelsea, please.’

Of course those teams will not include Dirty Leeds. Shame 😂

UTC 💙

Dave M

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You see all Dave’s Ramblings from last season by visiting the link here

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