Dave’s Ramblings – Tottenham Hotspur
I wake up on Spurs-day with the same feeling you get before a dentist appointment – dread, despair, and the faint memory of pain from last time. We march into Tottenham’s arena, where optimism is an endangered species and dreams go to file retirement paperwork.
And yet, like clockwork, Spurs crumble not with chaos, but with poetic tragedy – the kind Shakespeare would write after a bottle of cooking sherry. They collapse with the grace of a chandelier whose chain was bought from the bargain bin at Poundland and installed by Del-boy and Rodney.
Their resolve?
As solid as a chocolate teapot.
Their courage?
Quieter than a librarian on mute.
Their trophy cabinet?
Oh, it’s stunning — a museum exhibit titled “Dust: A Timeline.” There’s even a plaque that reads: “Almost Champions, 1961 – Present.”
Today, surely, it couldn’t happen again…
Reader… it did.
At this point even the scriptwriters are yawning. Honestly, Spurs – try harder. Pretend you care. Pretend you’re not powered by tears and vibes.
Their trophy cabinet tour still reminds me of an alcoholic’s kitchen shelf — suspiciously empty except for regrets and a weird smell.
Anyway…
João Pedro remembered how football works in the 34th minute, chipping one in after Moisés Caicedo pressed a defender so hard you could hear the poor lad’s internal Windows operating system crash.
A lovely finish. He could’ve had three by half time if Tottenham’s keeper hadn’t decided to play like he’d been bitten by a radioactive Buffon.
Moisés Caicedo… what can I say? We absolutely mugged Brighton when doing the deal for him!!
Second half? More domination. Neto and Enzo wasted chances like Spurs waste potential, Pedro was again foiled by their keeper, and Jamie Gittens sent a shot so high NASA now classify it as an airborne object of interest.
Liam Delap, by the way, should still be writing apology letters for that sending-off on Wednesday. These are the matches where legends are made – not men who “just fancied a mid-week bath.” If he has half a brain cell he will be kicking himself for missing out today.
We finished with 20+ shots. They had… three. Their keeper winning Man of the Match tells you all you need to know. Truly, magnificently Spursy behaviour.
We remain Champions of the World. Yes, Spurs fans still here – that means all of it. Earth. The globe. The whole spherical thing. Including the corner where your club apparently lives in permanent sadness.
Spurs fans, I understand the booing. But listen – if your squad can’t show intelligence, at least one of you should.
Save your voices. You’ll need them again next home game.
Next stop: beautiful Baku. Let’s keep this form, pack sunscreen, and pray the lads remember goals are allowed more than once per match.
Dave M
‘Chelsea Supporters Group’ can also be found on X and Facebook and Bluesky