‘Foy’led Once Again By Red Card’s

‘Foy’led Once Again By Red Card’s

10003998_10152011684896347_1934226083_nIf only the Not The Nine O’Clock News team had been writing their satirical sketches today, and had been slightly more exercised by injustices on the football field than by the policing of the UK’s ethnic minority communities, then the famous “PC Savage” sketch might have come out something like this

INTERIOR: Office. Senior official is sitting behind a desk. It is MIKE RILEY, head of the Professional Game Match Officials Board. A man in referee kit (CHRIS FOY) pops his head round the door.


FOY: You wanted to see me, sir?

RILEY: Ah yes, Foy. Come in

(FOY enters and sits down opposite RILEY)

RILEY: It’s about some of these red cards you’ve been issuing. I think you might be being a little… over-zealous.

FOY: What red cards are they then, sir?

RILEY: Well, take this one for instance. You gave it for “Looking at me in a funny way”. Now perhaps you’re not aware of it, Foy, but “looking at me in a funny way” is not grounds for a dismissal according to the laws of the game, nor is “Loitering with intent to score a goal” an offence.

FOY:  (pause) … You sure, sir?

RILEY: Of course I’m sure, Foy! And we have more here.  “Tackling without due care and attention”. “Running around in a loud away shirt in a crowded penalty area between the hours of darkness”. “Walking on the cracks in the centre circle”. And “Walking around with an offensive haircut”. In short, Foy, in the space of three seasons, you have produced 214 ludicrous, trumped-up and ridiculous red cards.

FOY: Yes sir

RILEY:  Against the same team, Foy

FOY: Yes sir

RILEY: A (checks his notes)..Chelsea Football Club, of Stamford Bridge, London SW6.

FOY: Yes sir.


FOY: Yes sir?

RILEY: Why do you keep sending off this team’s players?

FOY: Well, they’re.. they’re criminals, sir

RILEY: Criminals?

FOY: And.. and jailbirds, sir

RILEY: I know they’re jailbirds, Foy, we’ve got two of them in the cells facing disciplinary hearings after they were dismissed against Aston Villa on Saturday

FOY: Well, there you are, sir

RILEY: You sent them off, Foy!

FOY: Oh, thank you very much, sir.

RILEY: We’re also holding a Mr Mourinho  on a charge of “Possession of a Portuguese accent while wearing a blue tracksuit top with the letters CFC on it”.

FOY: Yes sir

RILEY: Foy, would I be correct in assuming that Mr Mourinho is a Chelsea manager?

FOY: I can’t say I’ve ever noticed, sir

RILEY: Stand up, Foy. (FOY stands). It’s referees like you that give the Premier League a bad name. Do you get some perverted pleasure out of going around sending off Chelsea players?

FOY: Yes, sir

RILEY: There’s no room for men like you on my list of referees, Foy. I’m transferring you, to the UEFA Match Officials Panel for the Champions League.

FOY: Oh. Thank you very much, sir.

RILEY: Now get out.

Posted by ‘Stingray’

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3 thoughts on “‘Foy’led Once Again By Red Card’s

  • ChelseFan

    Why all the heat goes to Foy?
    That linesman was against us as-well!
    all those wrong calls one of them would have ended up in the net!
    But again back to Foy… it’s clear to see that he got something against Chelsea and its not the first time he let that affect his work!
    He’s a disgrace to every referee!
    almost like Webb!
    Hope we won’t get him anymore!

  • geordiegirl

    Lol. Brilliant! ** Doffs cap **

  • The heat goes to Foy because he has presided over thirty Chelsea matches and produced eight red cards for Chelsea players and none for our opponents. They get the benefit of the doubt, while moneybags Chelsea don’t. The guy obviously has a Chelsea complex and he should not be appointed for any more of our fixtures or allowed to use our club facilities if he is foisted on us yet again.

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